He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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