if you like me you must not know who I am
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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