he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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