Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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