i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
