I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize