I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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