turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
