Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
