I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
