Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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