So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
