maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize