Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
