4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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