I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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