So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
