the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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