Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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