She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
