Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
