I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
