I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
