I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
