i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
