dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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