New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
