I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
