I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize