he shaved USA in his pubs
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
