can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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