it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
