Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
