This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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