Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
