I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
