she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
