i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
