so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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