Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
