it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
