i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
