I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
