dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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