3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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