o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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