I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
