Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
