lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
