it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
