shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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