I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
