She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
