i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
