but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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