I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
