They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
