I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
