saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your dad touched me again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
