I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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