I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
