Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
