its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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