I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
