thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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