This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
