Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
