you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The struggles of a small town man whore
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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