it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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