omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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