I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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