I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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