Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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