pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
