i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
