It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
